It used to be the outsider. Now it’s your boss’s favorite asset.
This isn’t evolution. This is Bitcoin getting bitten — and losing its bite.
What is Bitecoin?
Bitecoin = Bitcoin after being bitten by government, institutions, and Wall Street bros. Once wild. Now... it files taxes.
Once decentralized. Now... it has a compliance team.
Once chaotic good. Now chaotic corporate.
Who bit it?
Wall Street: once called it a scam, now launching BTC ETFs
Governments: once banned it, now blessing it
Warren Buffett: used to call it “rat poison,” now his interns are stacking sats
Crypto OGs: used to yell “decentralize everything,” now pitching to VCs
What does Bitecoin look like now?
KPIs, quarterly earnings, analyst calls
Wearing a hoodie and a tie
BlackRock-verified
“Decentralized”? Sorry, it’s in the system now
Who bit it?
Because when the coin stops biting, you gotta grow new teeth.
Bitecoin isn’t a real token — it’s a meme token with a message. It’s a reminder that when rebels go corporate, we need new rebels. When Bitcoin got bitten, we made Bitecoin to laugh and to cope.
The Satire Roadmap
Phase 1
Drop the “I Got Acquired by Wall Street” limited edition wallet skin
Phase 2
Launch short doc: Back When Bitcoin Was Unhinged
Phase 3
Host virtual "Bitcoin Corporate Annual Meeting" comedy roast
